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“Tell them what is and isn’t okay: 'Don't expect me home for dinner every night, I’ll do my own laundry,' whatever.
You're not 12 anymore, and you don't want to fall back into those old patterns.”Carla is now living on her own and finishing up grad school (she’s getting a degree in communications).
“Once, I was out at a bar with friends, and a guy I [had a crush on] met up with us,” she remembers.
“We ended up going back to his place, and the whole time I was thinking, I have to be back home before my parents notice I stayed out all night. This level of control frustrated Carla, making her feel like she’d regressed. “I told her that I knew she was worried about me, but I was an adult who had already lived on her own, and I needed to be treated as such,” Carla explains.
Nothing kills the mood faster.”Another time, she went out for pizza with some friends after the bars had closed (she was 24 at the time). After that conversation, her mom and dad began putting in the effort “not to treat me like their child living at home, but their adult daughter living at home.”That’s exactly what needs to happen, Amatenstein insists.
One of the biggest risks involved in moving home is falling back into old family dynamics from childhood or adolescence: “It’s very easy to revert back to acting like a kid, because [maybe] you’re used to being treated like [one],” she says.
“Just say something like, ‘I need to tell you my deep, dark secret: I had to temporarily move home with Mom and Dad.’ It is what it is, and it’s not permanent, so [there’s no need] to apologize for it.”For her part, Meghan is now happily partnered and far away from her parents’ home, living in Italy with her boyfriend.
At home, she realized she “craved adventure,” she says.
“I applied to about 60 jobs during graduate school,” she recalls.She’s super-tight with her mom, who she describes as low-key and easy to live with.Her decision to try a quieter path instead of living in a bustling city was partially a lifestyle choice.Though Meghan was offered one super-low-paying job in New York City, she realized “there was no way I'd be able to move to New York, or even afford a daily commute from my parents' home, with that salary.” So she packed it in and headed home to Mom and Dad’s, where she stayed for six months while she applied for even more gigs and figured out her next move.Living at home “was not easy,” Meghan remembers — especially because her parents were enduring their own challenges at the time; they were going through a divorce.
She’s hoping to avoid another return home, although she fears that if she doesn’t find a job immediately, she may have no better choice.